Be Well.


My head is cracking

My liver bursting

My kidneys clapping.

I can’t even write Cleary so I figured this was the best moment for me to get my thoughts down.

Maybe I can decode it all later.

My stomach feels as big as a dump truck.

I’m physically ill.

I’m sweating constantly.

Cold showers just make me itchy.

I can’t get out of bed before 9:30 and that’s only because they keep knocking and knocking and knocking.

Opening the door with a dumb look on their face like they are surprised they woke me.

Man thats fuck up.

Oh there is the spark I was waiting for.

Haha that did it.

Let’s go....

Plastic faces melting all over my paperwork with pills bursting out the sides.

Can I talk to you for a minute? Um can I have a cup of coffee before we get in the dugout and you show my your batting list please?

You so a doctor yesterday.

Yeah and?

Do you know why he gave you all these vitamins first?

Obviously you know and want to know how awake I am before my cup of coffee and play games. Ok I’ll play along.

Yes one is for my adrenal gland. One is for my bowel movement or lack their of. And the other is to Piss like a normal human being!

Can I have my fucking coffee now? Greaaaaaaat thanks....

oh one more thing does it hurt when I poke right dead in the middle of your body like THIS!

Fuck! Yes. Am I dying?

Please tell me that has something to do with why I was in Daltons art gallery being chased by Dominicans and we all had to be detoured through Southampton to fake being asleep while robert had a session with Sam and to cross America back in the late 1800s to surf ditch in a snow storm?  Etan’s truck exploded at 3am right before I woke up to that thunderstorm, I promised the firefighters I would not come back. sweating through my sheets.

Back to what I was saying.

Fuckkk! That hurts!

Does anyone else find it ironic that my doctors name is Koke? I just can’t grow up sometimes. He might as well be called doctor weiner cause I still get a kick out of it like a 5 year old giggling.

The cleaning ladies are literally hiding in the room next door. I’m about to blast some Marylyn Manson to scare them down stairs.

Stares. At their phones laughing.

Yes I am the anti christ superstar ladies and you better go find religion elsewhere.

El Diablo! Run! 

Just kidding they are sweet. But seriously get the fuck out of here.

Come in!

Oh hey doc. Yeah I’m ready to get stripped of my security blanket. But my insides are on the outside at the moment. Will it matter?

Well let’s just give it a try.

Ok I trust you.

My lips move on their own sometimes just to not upset anyone.

I’m scared.

I want to go home and get into my Venus fly trap.

And fall asleep to pretzels seltzer and squonk boxes.

Something familiar.

That thunder storm has turned this place into a shitshow. It’s bad when they ask me how to clean up a mess like that. I can’t even clean my own shit up.

My wife. I miss her.

How scared does it take to get will I wonder?

Well soon find out I think.

Hell week is upon me.

I hope it rains all week long.